Dear LeBron (or do you prefer King James?),
Thank you and congratulations for being so awesome that there’s no point in watching anymore. Seriously, what you have done is really incredible. Winning one championship is hard. Winning back to back championships is even harder. You played two great tournaments and carried a team, a coach, and a fanbase that do not deserve it along with you.
Thank you for pointing out the obvious flaws in the National Basketball Association. The last two playoff tournaments have been as formulaic and predictable as the Rocky sequels, but without the feel-good ending. I also want to extend my gratitude to Dwayne Wade, Chis Bosh, and Ray Allen. You guys together created the greatest disparity of talent the NBA has ever seen. You also pointed out that all the other stars in the league are either too old, too selfish, or not surrounded by enough talented friends to stack up against your group of friends who picked a city with warm weather, low taxes, fraudulent fans, and no basketball heritage to create this dream team for yourselves.
I would also like to thank you for helping me appreciate the NHL even more than I already do. The last time a visiting team won a Game 7 in the NBA finals was 1978 when a team that has since changed its name for the sake of political correctness to something equally politically incorrect defeated a team that has since changed its name after ripping Seattle’s collective heart out. The following year, the two teams met again in the Finals, except this time the latter defeated the former. Since then, a total of nine franchises have been crowned NBA champions: ten titles for the LA Lakers, six titles for the Chicago Bulls, four titles each for the Boston Celtics and San Antonio Spurs, three titles each for the Detroit Pistons and the Miami Heat, two titles for the Houston Rockets, and one title for the Philadelphia 76ers and Dallas Mavericks; that’s less than a third of the league. To put things in perspective, there have been 16 different Stanley Cup champions, 15 different World Series champions, and 15 different Super Bowl Champions during that same span. If the level of competition is that out of balance, the product is bound to be far less entertaining. Thanks again for helping me realize that, LeBron.
I hope the teams give you some real competition in the future. You and your friends must be so bored being that much better than everyone else. Maybe Carmelo Anthony will learn to pass the ball, or maybe Derrick Rose will actually play basketball again. Maybe KG, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Tim Duncan will find the fountain of youth in the form of deer antler spray, but all of those possibilities don’t seem like enough to beat you. In the meantime, your league is boring, and the NHL’s owners and players have buried the hatchet just in time to have the best playoff tournament going. I hope your league becomes interesting again, but thanks to you, I don’t need it.
Lord of Blog’s End